i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
