so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
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