I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
