This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
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I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
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Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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