Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
