i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
