I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize