you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
