Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize