that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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