She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
