Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
