lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
