Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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