No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
