Pregnant stripper...not hot.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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