I'm going to jail i love you
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
