So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
