Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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