just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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