I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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