She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
