I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
