just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
