I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
