dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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