I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
