if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
