Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
