just come out here and I will go home with you...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
