I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
