I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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