i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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