I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
