You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
