i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
