apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
