TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
