but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
