They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
