every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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