I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
