we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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