You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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