here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
