i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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