dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
