I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
