she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize