Me too!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
