I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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