just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
