is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
