hell yes lets make some ravioli
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
