I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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