Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
