So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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