bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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