dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
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SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
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I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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