dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
