just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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