Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
