me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
