well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
