Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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