Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
