I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
