She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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