Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
