is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
