look no pants
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I party with great urgency now.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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